but I won't

You’re lying next to me

playing with my hand quietly

I thought you didn’t like silence...

I turn towards you and see you stare at the ceiling

and I wonder what’s going on in your head

maybe you’re thinking about her,

or maybe you’re thinking about me,

or maybe you’re feeling the emptiness present too

because something feels missing

not affection or care or trust

but something that wouldn’t let this wall of inhibition to exist,

the wall which we don’t talk about,

the wall which we can’t talk about.

You were kissing me a few moments ago,

slipping at the edge of your senses,

taking me along on that drive,

making me forget everything else

and here we are right now waiting,

waiting for someone to say something,

waiting for someone to feel something.

I wouldn’t say I have been with a lot of guys but I have seen some fall for me

and I’ve noticed the times they fell a little more

and I can say that you’re not

it’s funny that maybe I want you to even though I don’t.

You’re still quiet

and I’m still lost in my thoughts

I'm missing you when you're right beside me.

I feel like bringing my body closer to yours,

turn your head towards me

and look deep into your quiet eyes,

I feel like running my fingertips on your neck,

making them slowly go behind and feel your soft hair

I feel like bringing my lips closer to yours,

closing my eyes and feeling your warm breath on my face,

and tell you how much I want us to be in love

but I won’t.